The Story of the Queen-Bee, the Bleachers, and the Mighty Finger

It was a beautiful day, absolute perfect weather, not a cloud in sight, the kind of day everyone prays for after a particularly harsh winter. The birds, having just returned from their winter vaca, were chirping away without a care in the world. How could anyone stay inside on a day like this?

My little Rainbow Rider was only 4 at the time. He was so excited when I told him we were going to the playground. True moments of witnessed happiness were rare at this point in his life so, I'm sure other Rainbow Mommy's can relate when I say, seeing him excited was a HUGE deal!

We went to the playground at his school, he was familiar with it and in the past I've seen other kids playing there on the weekends. I figured one of his classmates might be there or he could at the very least make a new friend. 

We arrived at the school, my Rainbow Rider hopped out of the car and bolted to the playground. There were six other kid's there playing, they all looked relatively close to my boy's age. I immediately thought to myself, "He is going to have so much fun!"

I spotted a group of Mom's sitting on a small set of bleachers right by the playground. It was the perfect spectator spot! You could see every inch of the playground from those bleachers without being that "hovering" Mom. I walked in their direction and took a seat at a polite distance away from one of the other Mom's, but not far enough away to be considered anti-social. I smiled sweetly and introduced myself to the other Mom's. They seemed so perfect, like the definition of what the ultimate "super-wife/mom" would look like. It's hard not to admire that level perfection especially so early on a Saturday morning. Their hair perfectly done, not a blot or blemish, the form fitting yoga pants with the sporty matching jacket they all were wearing, 

The truth is, I kind of wanted to get to know these Mom's. I didn't have many "Mommy" friends. I was younger than most when I had my son, so while my old high school pals were out enjoying their young 20's, I was at home raising a special needs child. That part didn't bother me though, I loved my new life.
Since my son started early intervention when he was only two years old, I had some time to witness the "Mommy-cliques" in action. I saw them volunteering at the school, organizing fundraisers, standing in perfect little circle at dismissal planning their next play-date, shopping adventure, or kid-free night. The group of Mom's I sat down beside at the playground on this particular day were the "Moms-To-Know", and I wanted to be invited into their circle.

The other Mom's were pleasant and seemed so sweet. It was obvious who the Queen-Bee was, all of the other Moms sat around her in a circle with their legs angled perfectly in her direction, giving her their full attention. They all seemed quite interested in me and my son. They asked what I did for a living, if I was married, you know the usual  getting-to-know-each-other small talk. It didn't take long for the group to drift off into their usual gossip. I lost interest in what they were saying, I didn't know the other Moms and kids they were talking about, but hanging out in the rumor-mill has never really been my thing

.

I sat on the bleachers, beside the "Moms-To-Know", but very much by myself. I watched my son as he explored the playground like he had never been there before. His curiosity and true appreciation of all things always made me smile. He was rocking, spinning, flapping, and stimming all over the place. The Rainbow Dance, as I like to call it, was a giveaway that he was having a blast!

I found myself lost in the moment, admiring my son and the beautiful dance only he knew the steps to. One of the Queen's loyal subjects quickly snapped me back to reality when she laughingly asked 

"What is your son doing?" The laughter behind her question made it seem like this mother was making fun of my child. But that couldn't be right. No, I was just being overly protective. I mean, maybe she just doesn't know what stimming is.

"He's..well, he's dancing...sort of..." I kindly answered, attempting to be genuine and light hearted... "He has Autism, when he gets excited he flaps his arms or spins in circles. You know, stimming..."  

She didn't respond. She just slightly nodded her head "yes" like I had just answered a question correctly on a pop quiz...
Weird, but whatever ---  I was already moving on when I felt it, those piercing judgmental stares that only Mean-Moms and Bully Kids know how to shoot from their eyes. They were directing those stares at my child. At this point my inner-bitch was trying desperately to emerge and I was trying even more desperately to keep her at bay. I was convinced I was taking the ignorant question and rude staring personally, that the sting I was feeling was my fault, that I was interpreting this situation wrong. I had to be, right? Mom's aren't supposed to be assholes like this!

  They held onto those fake as hell, polite smiles. But those smiles couldn't hide the mean girl who lived deep within these Mom's, who was awakened by the sight of a new target. For a few minutes they tried to hold their composure, randomly one would snort in an extremely unattractive and unnatural way in an attempt to contain their laughter.
 --- I was about to lose my cool and act in a way that could be compared to a Mama Bear protecting her cub---
I thought to myself, screw them, and went back to watching my boy play. The "Mom's-to-Know" began talking more quietly than they were before, the way high school girls do in the cafeteria when the subject of their torture is walking by them. The inner bitch and the mama bear that live deep within me became allies and they were beginning to take over, and I knew if these two emerged it wouldn't be pretty.
I decided it would be best for all parties involved if I removed myself from the imaginary kingdom on the bleachers, all the while wishing there weren't so many kids around so I could freely tell these Mom's all about themselves.
I walked onto the playground and took a seat in one of the swings. My son walked over and sat in the swing beside me. We swayed, back and forth, feeling the wind on our faces, drowning out the rest of the world, enjoying the moment. My frustration began to subside and I wondered how sad their lives must truly be if they find joy in laughing at a child. As I went over the events in my mind, I realized how grateful I am because I am nothing like them, thankful because I don't live in that kind of darkness. And finally, I began to genuinely feel sorry for them... that sneaky bitch we all love to hate, karma, will come and knock their snarky asses off of those bleachers soon enough.

It would've been all too easy to tell these other Mom's to shove it up their *not-so-fun* place. But I'm better than that. I'm better than them. My son deserves better from me. When people put the nature of their true character on display in such a disgusting way, its not hard to come up with some prettyaccurate assumptions about how much their lives must really suck! But, one thing I have learned from riding on this Rainbow for so long, is the people who treat our kids the worst are the one's who understand the least.

The disability of Autism is NOT HAVING Autism... The crippling disability within the spectrum is the society who makes no effort to understand Autism and all it encompasses. 

Small Minded People are afraid of anything which is not "normal", they don't know how to open the tiny little normal box in their brain and because of this, they will forever live in fear of the unknown. Their ignorance is not your fault! And their education is not your responsibility, (unless you decide to enlighten them).
Put your hands up! Flip them all BOTH of your middle fingers with a huge grin on your face! One finger for the "Mean-Mom's", another for the bully kids, here's another for the family members who "mean well" but don't have a clue, here's another for the people who have perfected the art of judgmental staring, and keep another in your pocket for back-up in case you find another uneducated soul who could use a good *SCREW YOU*


So to all my fellow Rainbow Mom's and Dad's out there...What has your experience with the "Mom's-To-Know" clique been like. Did they embrace you or did they bear striking similarities to your old high school's resident "mean-girls"? How do you handle those judgmental parents? Share your story here or on FACEBOOK. I'd love to read them all!