The Mom Behind The Bird 1/2

I've only been blogging for a cyber minute compared to other Mom's out there, but my posts focus on Rainbow Riding and all that it entails. I've learned A LOT on this road, and I have A LOT to say... but those who know me, know there's more to my life. Yes, we Autism Mom's have been molded into Rainbow Rock-stars, but that isn't all we are!
So who is the Mom behind this flippity bird?


I was born and raised in the state of lover's- Virginia. My parents separated when I was 4 years old. They both screwed up a lot over the years, and so did I. Once I realized that they, in fact, were human and mistakes were inevitable I was able to let go of past hurts and truly feel their undeniable love for me. I am incredibly close with both of my parents. It takes two very strong individuals to raise a wildflower like me...
Before I became a Mom I was a wild child (and in some ways I still am)! Everything I did, I did to the extreme. I was fearless. I was unprepared! I went to a small alternative school - you know the kind of school your Mom always warned you that you'd end up at if you didn't do well.... Yes, I was that kid. In fact, I graduated from there, as did my sister, my mother, and my father. A generation of rebels! I'm kidding, well no, I'm really not...
That small little school was the reason I graduated. It instilled in me a sense of loyalty, an appreciation for the family that doesn't share blood. Some of my favorite memories are because of this place. The school's very existence has changed the course of so many young lives it's unbelievable. So, no, I will never be ashamed to say I went to an alternative high school. In fact, I am damn proud to be a Point Option Pilot!


I met my Rainbow Rider's Dad not long after I graduated. We were young, living life on the wild side, he was in a band and I was a 19 year old girl with a love for old-school southern rock. Needless to say, I fell

 hard! We were too young and too interested in enjoying the moment to worry with building anything substantial. Things didn't work out between us, and that's pretty typical of a whirlwind party-hard kind of romance. What wasn't typical was the beautiful life we brought into the world. It didn't take long for us to realize we weren't going to work, but we did try... Besides, we make much better friends than we ever did partners. After we split up emotions were high, pain was intense, and we didn't know how to co-parent. It was really the moment our son was diagnosed that forced us to learn to work together. I can honestly say, he is a good Dad, and I am a good Mom, and even though we are apart, we make a good balance for our little man. Almost a decade has passed since we met, and I can easily see why he entered my life to begin with. There was a role that Life knew only he could play. I learned so much from my relationship with him, were it not for this time of my life I wouldn't be the wife I am today. Most importantly, we created the beautiful, colorful life of our Rainbow Rider.

We made a commitment to always have each other's backs, to never make a decision  concerning our son without the other, to communicate, and above all else - respect the roles we both play in our child's life... He nor I come before or above the other. Our son has benefited tremendously from the effort to parent separately yet together, in harmony with the other.

I worked as a Medic for a while before my new career as a stay-at-home Super-Mom. I learned SO MUCH and was a part of so many amazing things. If you ever want to see what "service" means - go to your local rescue squad and request to do a ride along. I am proud of the things I witnessed, the things I contributed to, the lives saved, the lives touched, and the co-workers who became extended family to me. My work in emergency services changed my life. To watch how easily life can slip right through your grasp, and to be a member of the kick-ass-team who made a career out of outsmarting the reaper, to experience this side of death vs life, it all gives one an entirely new appreciation for the very air we breathe!

I met my husband through my work as a Medic. We had a baby together, my youngest little boy, and he gave me the priceless opportunity to stay at home and raise both of my son's. It doesn't mean I don't miss my time in the back of an ambulance, sirens blazing, adrenalin rushing through my veins, saving a life, defeating death, OF COURSE I miss it! I loved that part of my life, but there's more to why I don't work as a Medic anymore than just being home with the kid's...truth be told, kids or no kids, I can't do it anymore.

Why? Well there's no simple answer for that. So here's the story. At 23, when my Rainbow Rider was just about to turn 3, I found out I had cancer. But, not cancer in the sense that most would define cancer. I had some freak "benign" tumor which behaved like cancer yet couldn't metastasize. Makes no sense right? I still don't get it. So even though this tumor could possibly kill me and even though the ONLY recommended treatments were a radical mastectomy and/or chemo for 12 months, I was still not "technically" a cancer patient. The CDC later re-classified this rare tumor 6 months after my mastectomy, just in time for me to not care what the medical classification was. Even though I was facing the loss of my breast, or my hair, or possibly both, or worse - my life, I would still get these ignorant comments from people who really thought they were offering encouragement
 "Well, thank God it's benign." What? Did these people really hear themselves? Way to downplay this rare and potentially deadly disease because you don't know what else to say...
Yes, Thank God it's a benign tumor that only 02.% of the population have ever gotten. Thank God I can't find a single doctor who has ever treated this before! And thank God I get to choose between a radical mastectomy with the possibility of chemo after or a 12 months of chemo with the possibility of a mastectomy after. Thank God for options!
It's like choosing whether you want to eat dog shit and then cow shit or if you want to eat the cow shit first. Either way you spin it, the situation still sucks!
So yes, I had a non cancerous cancer at the age of 23, I chose a radical mastectomy because at that point in my life I was a single mom and I really didn't have the time to be sick for an entire year from chemo. I refused to do chemo or radiation. In hindsight that was probably a really dumb choice on my part... But here's the part I can thank God for - The tumor was successfully removed and even though they have a 60% chance of recurrence. the bitch tumor has not come back. This July will make 4 years since my mastectomy. I lost my breast, my nipple, my skin, my pec muscle, and a portion of my abdominal muscles. The tumor cost me a lot, but the most painful by far was my career. With the loss of those major muscles, lifting a stretcher just isn't going to happen for me anymore. So this is the real truth for why I don't work as a Medic anymore... but it's easier to just tell people I get to stay home with my kids.

But you know even as I sit here tapping away on the keyboard I realize more and more the possibilities, the purpose of  certain things. Maybe I should have been thanking God throughout that dark time in my life. Without that experience I wouldn't be home with my sweet kids, able to raise them day in and day out, able to experience all of the moments. I think it may have been one way for God to slow me down, teach me to enjoy the ride on the rainbow. During this time of my life was when we really stopped trying to "recover" Autism and we began embracing it, all of it's quirky ways, all of it's uniqueness, it's magic, and it's beautiful array of colors!

If you'd like to know more about my journey with the non cancerous cancer and the bitch infection that tried to kill me.... stay tuned! I'll be blogging the next part of The Mom Behind The Bird 2/2 next!!!