A Few Things Every Autism Parent Should Remember Part 2

This one took a bit longer to compose. This wasn't due to a lack of ideas, rather a plethora of advice that one could give to parents like us. I've narrowed them down to the one's that speak the most to me. I hope this can encourage or help some of you out there in one way or another. So, here goes:

We all have them, those "friends", who in their infinite wisdom, know all there is to know about every topic or subject known to man. The ones who have seen it all, done it all, and wrote the book. The people who bestow upon you, without even asking them to, all kinds of advice on the best way to "deal with" your child's Autism. And it doesn't matter that they don't have or know any Autistic children themselves, they are experts in that area from that one article they read however many years ago. Yea, those assholes. The one's you politely flash a smile at and quickly find an excuse to get away from. These are the same clueless people who tell you all your kid needs is a good spanking... Or the "friends" who invite all of your other friends to play dates or birthday parties but forget to invite you and your child. The ones who conveniently distance their children from yours because they ignorantly think "Oh NO he has Autism! My kid might catch it". The same goes for family. Those family members who take the other kids out on fun outings but never take your Rainbow Rider
because they just don't think they can "handle" him/her. Cut these people out of your life NOW! Friends and Family don't behave this way and the ass hats that do don't deserve your time. Walk away, you don't deserve to be treated this way and your child damn sure doesn't deserve it. So don't expose yourselves or your kids to it. `Cut the tie that binds and move along. I promise, you'll find life is much easier without them!

It's easy as parents to obsess about being perfect. We try to have an immaculate home, dinner always prepared, children bathed and groomed, laundry put away, dishes always done, maintain our appearance, stay fit, ensure homework and projects are done on time every time, be active in Mommy groups, attend every family function and friendly encounter, and SO MUCH MORE! This is IMPOSSIBLE not only for Autism parents, but ALL parents. The weight we put on ourselves to accomplish EVERY task on our own is ridiculous. You do not have to be perfect! Stop trying to be! In our attempts at perfection we allow things to fall through the cracks... important things... things like getting down on the floor and playing with our kids, things like taking a day and just spending it doing whatever it is will make a new memory for our families. The dishes, the laundry, the housework will be there when you find time to do them. For now, remember there isn't enough time in the day to accomplish all of the things you want to, so prioritize. Family first, always.

There are plenty of times in our journey's through this life where we get discouraged and lose hope. Even if we don't tell anyone when it happens, we all experience this. You are not a bad parent for feeling this way. But you have to get up, dust the negativity off, and dig deep for that hope. What we believe is what will come to pass. I truly believe this, because I have witnessed it in my life.
If we believe a situation is hopeless, it will be. If we believe nothing is impossible, we will begin to see things once said to be impossible happen.
 There is always light in the darkness. If you find yourself in a moment where you can't see it, or you can't feel it, adjust your view! Change your perspective! Do anything to find that light again. But absolutely do not just sit there wallowing in the dark! If you need to talk to someone, seek them out, find a good friend, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on. You don't have to face things alone.
For me, my go-to-girl when reality punches me in the face is my childhood best friend. She doesn't have a child with Autism, but she loves mine like one of her own. She loves me enough to listen to me bitch, then she lays it out for me like a best friend should. She tells me to get it all out and when I am done she makes me stand back up on my feet and keep going! Again, perfection is impossible. Crying is normal. Feeling sad or depressed about life's evil curve balls is ok. Deciding to live in the darkness is not. If you can't find the light on your own, get someone to help you. The light is ALWAYS there! You just have to open your eyes a little wider, dig a little deeper, and you'll see it.

We are busy people! I think it's safe to assume we are busier than your average parent. But even in your busiest moments, remember there are other parents out there who are new to the rainbow life, and they could probably use a friend. Put yourself out there, make yourself available, be a listening ear, offer encouragement, remind them they're not alone.
Too often we feel so spent that we fool ourselves into believing we have nothing more to offer anyone... but you do... and you should. Even something as simple as referring them to the pediatrician you use or the neurologist you've come to see as family. Help them navigate the confusing lingo and details of IEP's. Offer your story, your journey... you have no idea how much your experiences can help another family. The truth is we aren't in this alone. There are millions of families out there who are on the rainbow with us. It's our responsibility to each other to be available, be a friend. God knows in this world of people who just don't get it, we NEED people in our lives who do! We were divinely chosen to live this life, every single one of us. I'd venture to say that bond is as tight as blood. We are a different kind of family! A colorful;, crazy, spinning, flapping, beautiful FAMILY!

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