What is this thing you call "normal"?

What exactly does it mean to be "normal"?

Oh how I love and hate this word. Hate it because for some reason it's become socially unacceptable to not want a "normal" life and love it because it summarizes everything I don't want to be. 
 I often wonder why some become so fixated on being just like everyone else. Why is there so much anxiety, hesitation, or downright fear when quirky, unique traits poke their way through the "normal" façade we try to desperately to wear? I must admit though, I was there, trying so desperately to squeeze into the tiny little box of "normal". 

"Mom's aren't supposed to wear this or that, they definitely don't have tattoos, maybe I should cut my hair shorter, PTA? Oh yes, I definitely have to join that - all of the other moms do..." It's exhausting!

Now let's take this a step further from "normal" mommy's to "normal" kids. My Rainbow Rider has spent his entire little life perfecting the art of being anything BUT normal. After years of trying to over-therapy and over-think him to fit into that little box of normal, I realized that normal sucks! 

 

Let's think about this logically....

Webster's definition of normal: conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern
Synonyms: usual, common place, ordinary, average, unexceptional, unremarkable
Related Words: regular, typical, homely, plain, insignificant, unimportant, expected and predictable
 

I'll sum all of that up for you... BORING! 

Conforming to a type- Ok so this isn't always bad right?

Conformity is, very simply put, abiding by a pre-set standard. Rules, expectations, guidelines by which we live... in the purest form these are necessary for society to function smoothly. Note that I said in the purest form...
Then we have the conformity which led people to silently watch or, even worse, actively participate in unthinkable crimes against mankind. For example - the persecution, mass murder, horrible treatment and torture of those with Jewish heritage in Germany, initiated by Adolf Hitler, executed mainly by the conformists.
There's also the conformity which leads kids to think drinking is cool or drugs are fun. There's the kind that makes people think it's acceptable to look down on the people who are different, people with disabilities, those who think differently, who don't wear the trendiest clothes, those who don't look, think, talk, and act just like everyone else... the nonconformists.

Conformity in some ways is necessary, but when it comes to other circumstances it can be devastating. Ultimately, the choice is ours to make individually pertaining to what is right or wrong, good or bad, which sets of guidelines we choose to conform to.

It is my sincere belief that the only instance in which we should teach our children it is good to conform to societal standards is when it is morally the right thing to do and doesn't compromise our own integrity.

 

 

 

Let's move on to the synonyms- Usual, common place, ordinary, average, unexceptional, unremarkable

I don't know about all of you but these are not things I would ever purposely teach my child to be. I can't think of anyone who would say "Gee guys! I wish I could be unremarkable like Joe Schmo." or "Hey Jane, have you noticed how common place little Bo has become, he's really making progress". I wouldn't allow anyone to write a new goal to my Rainbow Rider's IEP that said "Successfully be unexceptional in 8 out of 10 attempts"....and I think it's safe to assume, neither would you.

Related Words-Regular, typical, homely, plain, insignificant, unimportant, expected and predictable

Translated: BORING, even MORE boring, blah, blah blah!
Insignificant and unimportant, don't we teach our children to be the exact opposite of this?



Based on the definition alone do you see how much "normal" sucks?
If being normal means being all of these things than one can assume to live normal would be to live an unexceptional, unremarkable, insignificant life. That's definitely not something I'd want in my obituary...

"Finger Flippin Mom passed away Tuesday evening, she was 86 years old. She did nothing exceptional in her life and was quite unremarkable. She lived a standard, unimportant, and predictable life and will be missed by all those who love her. She is preceded in death by her husband who passed 5 years ago of chronic boredom. There is no memorial service in her honor because, even in death, she is uneventful."

Ok, all joking aside, when we understand what "being normal" really means it's pretty easy to say we want to be anything but! Applying this to our lives is a little more difficult.

It is natural  to pray for some sort of normalcy for our children who seem to live in a land so foreign to us. We don't get it, we have never been to this place, and its easy to obsess about pulling them into our reality - our normal. But maybe our reality is much too simple for their beautiful minds. Maybe their brains were wired differently from ours for a purpose that we, in our simple reality, could never understand. Perhaps we will never know, but that is a side effect of living in a normal world, we can't fully understand that which we do not experience. But what we do know is that it is perfectly ok and, in fact, encouraged to be different. Let's not stop there though! Let's teach our children to be extraordinary!

Let's teach our children and believe it ourselves:
Don't be normal! Be the opposite of normal!

Be YOU!

 

 

 

Tomorrow I will begin the story of our journey from diagnosis to when I threw my middle fingers up to "normal" and everything in between! Until then...

 

 

 

 

 

 



In closing I'd like to make note that I believe in the benefits of therapies for autism. My son receives them, he has for 5 years now. He's made tremendous gains because of them. I know that every Autistic child is different and what works for one may not work for the next. I am not anti-intervention, I am not anti-therapy, and I am certainly not anti-progress. I am against changing the core of the person in order to make them more easily accepted by society. I am against squeezing them into that tiny box we call "normal" and forcing them to live there. We each may not agree on all things, and that is ok. That is the beauty of being different, we all can have our beliefs and opinions while respecting those of others. This is merely a representation of MY beliefs and those I have acquired through much trial and error.